Made my way to the Other Side

Laying in bed one quiet night about a week ago, I realized that something was missing from my conscious thoughts.  I had forgotten.  Finally.  "I'm over it," I said to myself with a smile.  I could hardly believe the time had finally come.  For a second, I had actually forgotten a name.  FINALLY.  FINALLY!!  After nearly 2 years, I've finally reached a point where my new/current life has replaced my bad memories.  I highly doubt I'll ever see the day that I don't flinch like a head-shy dog, but a massive burden has finally lifted off my shoulders.  I've taken charge of my own life, and I feel so empowered.  I was even promoted at work thanks to my 'workoholism'.  I've found that keeping myself too busy to think about anything besides the task at hand has proven to be the most effective way to heal.  Initially, during the first year, suppressing everything was destroying me because it all resurfaced with such force.  Somehow, though, with time, I've managed to re-program myself.  Instead of allowing my past to immobilize me with fear, I've learned to use it to encourage and push myself to prove myself.  And yet, not just that, but I've come to a point where I no longer carry my past as a reason to prove myself; these days, I simply do because I can.

A lot of people I've encountered since I moved "north" have told me things like, "You're an old soul," or "You have so much depth of soul behind your eyes," or "I can tell you have a massive heart," or "I don't know what it is about you, but I just have to know more."  I just shrug and tell them I'm nothing special, just a runaway.  I typically do not open up to people, and if I do, I'm very choosy.  I don't really possess the ability to trust many people anymore.  I essentially trust two people here, and only because I sense that we are kindred spirits.  I will never trust again - even the few people I manage to trust, I do not fully trust - but that's okay.  I feel like that was part of my lesson.  Naivety always was my weakest point.  Nothing good ever came of the stupid notion that humankind could actually harbor any true sense of goodness.  We are all animals.