Finally.

I wish I could believe this was finally over after nearly 2 years of fighting for it, but I know that yesterday was just one more hurdle crossed.  Yesterday, I had the horrifying experience of representing myself in court against my abusive ex-husband.  I fought for it, and I got what I asked for :: a final ruling giving me full physical and legal custody of my daughter.



I win, you bastard.







Now, I'm left with 3 more fights.  Visitation, contempt of court [over some serious b/s, and if he files, I'm not showing up for that ish] and a divorce that is still not finalized after he filed for it himself and continues to refuse to sign the papers after nearly two years.  [At this point, I'm never signing those papers anyway, hah.]

But still, had a nice laugh at him in the courtroom multiple times.  At one point even the bailiff began to laugh and had to cough to cover it up.  =D  J-E was called in to testify, and asshat was given the opportunity to cross-examine.  asshat became so angry at J-E's cool courtroom behavior that he was practically climbing across the table about to jump across the room and fight him.  One of J-E's answers was no, and asshat demanded, "YES!" and I swear at that point I thought he was going to start kirking out so hard.  It was epic.  And I have to add, I never in my wildest dreams expected to see, hear or speak seriously about an MMORPG in a flipping courtroom.  HA HA HA  =)

Hand-Painted Shoes

Spent all my free time off from work for the last month+ painting up some once-white Keds. 


Originally thought of just doing the galaxy theme, but J-E said my idea wasn't creative enough, and suggested I use Pokemon.  =D

I even finished off the galaxy background with a light coat of iridescent sparkles.

The grumpy Jigglypuff is an inside joke.  =3

Made my way to the Other Side

Laying in bed one quiet night about a week ago, I realized that something was missing from my conscious thoughts.  I had forgotten.  Finally.  "I'm over it," I said to myself with a smile.  I could hardly believe the time had finally come.  For a second, I had actually forgotten a name.  FINALLY.  FINALLY!!  After nearly 2 years, I've finally reached a point where my new/current life has replaced my bad memories.  I highly doubt I'll ever see the day that I don't flinch like a head-shy dog, but a massive burden has finally lifted off my shoulders.  I've taken charge of my own life, and I feel so empowered.  I was even promoted at work thanks to my 'workoholism'.  I've found that keeping myself too busy to think about anything besides the task at hand has proven to be the most effective way to heal.  Initially, during the first year, suppressing everything was destroying me because it all resurfaced with such force.  Somehow, though, with time, I've managed to re-program myself.  Instead of allowing my past to immobilize me with fear, I've learned to use it to encourage and push myself to prove myself.  And yet, not just that, but I've come to a point where I no longer carry my past as a reason to prove myself; these days, I simply do because I can.

A lot of people I've encountered since I moved "north" have told me things like, "You're an old soul," or "You have so much depth of soul behind your eyes," or "I can tell you have a massive heart," or "I don't know what it is about you, but I just have to know more."  I just shrug and tell them I'm nothing special, just a runaway.  I typically do not open up to people, and if I do, I'm very choosy.  I don't really possess the ability to trust many people anymore.  I essentially trust two people here, and only because I sense that we are kindred spirits.  I will never trust again - even the few people I manage to trust, I do not fully trust - but that's okay.  I feel like that was part of my lesson.  Naivety always was my weakest point.  Nothing good ever came of the stupid notion that humankind could actually harbor any true sense of goodness.  We are all animals.