People-Pleaser

Well, since Xanga has decided to tank, I'm going to give Blogger a try.  I don't know if I will find another blog site that I like as much as I liked Xanga, but I'm going to shop around for awhile before giving up on blogging entirely.  Blogging has been a part of my life since I was 14!  I was on Xanga since I was 19, with my longest-running blog up for around 5 years there before I moved on to my Ackerleigh@Xanga blog. 

I'm definitely not ready to let go of blogging.  I've kept diaries and journals all my life, eventually feeding into blogging as a teen like I mentioned above.  At this point in my life, I badly need somewhere to write out my thoughts.  There is a lot going on in my life, and there are a lot of things I appreciate a little input on here and there.  I think to be honest with myself, I have to admit that I like to share my life with others, and to be even more honest with myself, I have to admit that I am constantly seeking others' approval. 

There are a lot of things in my current life that I know many don't approve of, however, and I am learning to seek my own happiness while trying to let go of my innate need for approval.  I feel like this year is a rebirth for me.  In a way, I guess you could say that my world [as I knew it, at least] really did end on 12/21/2012.  ;)  I met J-E in person for the first time on 12/24/2012.  He bought me a plane ticket, and I took the flight.  It is probably the most impulsive, careless, poorly-thought-out thing I have ever done, but it is also the single greatest leap of faith I am happiest about ever taking! 

I positively adore J-E.  It's something in the way his eyes get this sparkle to them when he smiles at me and tells me he loves me.  Nobody has ever made me feel so loved in all my life.  In fact, I've never really felt very loved at all before I met J-E.  I don't think I've ever been one of the happiest people around.  I've always come across as optimistic and cheery, but deep down, there has always been a hollow darkness.  The emptiness comes and goes, but being held, being loved, being appreciated helps. 

J-E saved my life, and I will always love him.  So much for blogging about the travesty of the end of Xanga.  LOL